Questions for Engaged Couples - - Questions to Discuss Before You Get Married

Many marriage education experts caution that when couples believe in the myths of "happily-ever-after" or "love conquers all," problems in the marital relationship may surface within a short time after the wedding.

The success or failure of your marriage relationship may hinge on how well you deal with issues such as finances, sexuality, communication, conflict, parenting, in-laws, leisure time, family of origin, spirituality, expectations, and chores.

Even though you may be very busy with wedding preparations, it is critical that you make time to prepare for your life time together by exploring your relationship in more depth.

Communication, along with a willingness to grow closer together, is one of the keys to a successful marriage.

Since August 2005 when we expanded this list of questions that every couple should discuss before getting married, we have received suggestions for more questions. Please send your suggestions to us at our email address.

To get to know one another better you can play the play "The Newlywed Board Game" (Buy Direct) together or you can look over these questions that we believe you need to ask one another if you want to improve your future marital life.

Why are we getting married? Pregnancy, financial security, loneliness or wanting to get out of the family home are not valid reasons to get married.

What do we as a couple want out of life?

What do you think we'll be doing in thirty or forty years?

How often do you drink?

Have you ever hit someone?

Do you think it is important to be faithful to one another?

Do you have a criminal record?

Are you willing to replace the toilet tissue roll?
What was your childhood like?

Was your family an affectionate one?

Do you think we will have problems with your family during the holidays?

What values do you want to bring from your family into our marriage?

What do you like and dislike about your family?

what do you like and dislike about my family?

What do you like and dislike about your parents' marriage?

What do you like and dislike about my parents' marriage?
How would you describe yourself?

How do you think I see you?

Am I a jealous person?

Do I have trust issues or feel insecure?

How important is affirmation to me?

Do I handle compliments well?

What is your love language?

Do you think we listen to one another well?

Do you think it is important to know one another's physical and mental health histories?
Will you clean the toilet?

How are we going to divide up the household chores?

What are your expectations about how we will spend our free time?

How do you want to spend our days off?

Do you believe that we should be doing everything together?

Can we each pursue our own interests?

Do you need or want time alone?

How would you feel if I want a night out with my friends now and then?

How will we make sure we have quality time together?

How much time will we spend with our in-laws?
Can we talk about money?

Are you a saver or spender when it comes to money?

Do you want to have a budget?

Should we have a joint checking account or separate accounts or both?

Who is going to be responsible for making sure that bills are paid on time?

Do you consider going to the movies and having a vacation every year a necessity or a luxury?

How much do we owe in debts and what are our assets?

Where does our money go?

What are our financial goals?

Do you have any outstanding fines or debts?

What are our future plans for purchasing a home?

Do we both know where our important financial documents are located?
Do you want to have children?

Do we want to have children?

If we decide we do, how many children do you want to have?

How long should we be married before having children?

What kind of parent do you think you will be?

What is your parenting philosophy?

Will one of us stay home after we have children?

What type of birth control should we use if we want to postpone or prevent parenthood?

How do you feel about adoption?

Do you have any children already?

how to be a good wife to ur husband

Qualities of a Good Wife

Every married man wishes to have a good wife. Many people advice the new bride to be a good wife to her husband. But what are the makings of a good or perfect wife? Many women do not know. Many of the qualities of a good wife are already inbuilt in a person and the rest can be developed.

In India the qualities of a good wife or eight noble virtues an ideal wife should have are summed up in the verse from Neethisaram.

"Karyeshu Dasi, Karaneshu Manthri; Bhojeshu Mata, Shayaneshu Rambha,

Roopeshu lakshmi, Kshamayeshu Dharitri, Satkarma Nari, Kuladharma Pathni".

Here are some of the Qualities a man looks in his wife.

1) Be pleasant: It is said that ‘we need to treat others the way we want ourselves to be treated.’ Never be rude to our husband, family and friends. Be warm, kind, positive, understanding and friendly. Work to be pleasant toward your husband. Don’t be one of those people who make everyone around you feel bad just because you’ve had a hard day. Welcome your husband with a smile when he comes home instead of a sour face. A good wife honors her hubby by keeping a pleasant tone in her voice, a happy smile on her face and a neat and clean appearance. Listen to him talk about his day especially if it was a difficult one. If you don't like how you partner treats you, take a minute to notice how you treat your partner and correct your behavior.

2) Treat your Husband with Respect: If you expect respect from others we need to treat others with respect too. Haven’t we all heard ‘Give respect and take respect’. Respect can be reflected in the way one talks and behaves. Always speak in a loving and refrain from speaking in a harsh manner. A good wife respects her hubby and she never chooses to belittle, strike, humiliate or otherwise harm him in private nor in public. It is better to watch what you say and to think your thoughts through before speaking as it is not possible to take back the words once they have been spoken. A good wife will treat her man with respect in front of others and at home.

3) Communicate: Communication is key to a good and solid marriage. Do not hide things from your husband or keep secrets after marriage. Be honest to him. Find time to sit and talk with your husband on a daily basis even if it is for only half an hour. If you let things bottle up and feel that you cannot share with your husband anything then your marriage is in trouble. Be a good listener when your husband is talking. You may have a dozen important things to tell him but allow him to talk first. Don't greet him with complaints and problems the moment he comes back from work. Good Communication also helps to build trust and strengthen your relationship. After marriage the wife and husband are a team or partners. Do not take any major decisions about the family without consulting with husband. Fights or problems may happen in between the two but do not let the world know about it rather solve it between yourselves. The fight you had last week over shopping or whatever is over and done with. So move on with it and stop rehashing old stuff and reminding him of his faults. Do not resort to name calling, hitting, spitting, breaking dishes or anything else when you lose your temper. If you do he may actually start to fall out of love with you and you could lose him all together.

4) Be Supportive: A husband expects wife’s support and understanding especially in times of troubles. A good wife loves her hubby through his successes and failures and provides reassurance when he's feeling down. She is a nurturer and an equal partner in the marriage. Support your husband in all stages of his career and life. Do not belittle your man or hurt his ego. It is often heard saying that ‘a wife can make a man or break a man’. There’s no quicker way to build resentment in your man than to criticize him or belittle him especially in front of others. Be proud of him on his accomplishments and genuinely complement him. If you do this you can expect your husband to behave with you in the same manner and also respect you more for your support and thoughtfulness. When you don’t agree with him respectfully let him know you don’t agree.

5) Do not nag: No man would like a nagging wife. If you want to get your own way ask him nicely. Many wives think that is the only way to get her husband to do things is by nagging. But the truth is that your nagging can create unwanted rift or can make things worse between the two of you. Your husband is a grown man with his own thoughts and desires. Just because you think he should be doing something particular doesn't mean he has to do it.

6) Give him his space: As a wife you need to understand you’re your husband has a life other than you also. He has his family, friends and colleagues who too are part of his life. He also may have some hobbies or passions he is involved in. Don’t expect his undivided attention. Don’t stop him if he wants to go out and hang out with his friends sometimes or engage in a hobby or sport that he likes. An interfering wife can sometimes be too irritating.

7) Keep him happy in Bed: Sexual intimacy is one of the most essential things in any marriage. Please your man in bed. If you cannot keep your man happy in Bed he would go where he can get it. After all, a Man is a man!

8) Plan Surprises: Men like surprises too. It can be anything like organizing his birthday party without him knowing about it or planning a special night of passion by playing a seductress. Your surprises do not have to be elaborate and can be as simple as making him his favorite snack or his favorite dishes once in a while even if you would rather eat something else.

9) Express your love and appreciation often: Men likes praises and appreciation. Make the best of your time together. Men like to hear the words ‘I love you’ too. Also join him in activities that he's interested in even though you would have preferred to do something else or give him a thoughtful gift once in a while. Make it a point never to forget the special days in his life. Pamper him very often, especially when he is at home. You can even cook for him or give him a good massage. Making him dependent on you by doing his chores when he is at home is not a bad idea. Let him miss you and think about you when you are not around. These gestures won’t go unnoticed and it may even inspire him to do something nice for you. Don't withhold affection.

10) Honesty, Loyalty and Dedication: A good wife would be honest, loyal and dedicated to her husband. Marriage is a life long commitment and the vows you have taken at the time of marriage should be kept in all conditions.

11) Prepare yourself: A good wife honors her hubby by keeping a pleasant tone in her voice, a happy smile on her face and a neat and clean appearance. Take special care about your appearance and everyday. Include exercises or yoga in your daily routine. Be hygienic. Some woman feel that once they are married why they should dress up or take care of their appearance. A man likes his wife to smell good. If you are unhealthy or not presentable your man may cheat you behind your back.

12) Prepare the House: Maintain a clean house all the time. Clear away the clutter and spend time decorating the house. Apart from this be wise with money and take all the responsibilities of a wife seriously without complaining.

I am sure any man would be happy to get a wife with all these qualities. Have I left anything? Please feel free to add through comments.

TAKEN FROM: http://hubpages.com/hub/How-to-be-a-good-wife-to-your-husband-qualities